Frank conversations

Read this excerpt on "Psychological Today" recently. and it somehow kinda reflected on a recent conversation i had with a friend. she claimed that we had different views in seeing things. i said that we had the same views, just that she was not willing to see the common grounds. 

no two people are alike. & when we do things that friends are disagreeable with, it should not be seen as i don't respect their views. sometimes, it just means we each choose a different path. 

most times, a different path means a rockier route. who wouldn't want to follow the crowd and take the easy way out? who wouldn't want to leave office at 6 and spent the night with loved ones by the sofa and just nuah at will. it's so much easier. 

but when i dun follow the group and take the "advice", it doesn't mean i deliberately choose to ignore friends, or i love them less. or judge them in a bad light.

sometimes, we choose a different path coz (at that point of time) it's the best option. i dun choose them coz i wanna piss friends off. 

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whatever it is, it's good to have frank conversations with friends. 

i think we lack those these days. 

frank conversations. 

i just hope that in the heat of arguments, we dun lose the main purpose of having such conversations in the first place - to express own belief but respect each other. 

"Irritations are inevitable in relationships. It's just not possible to find another human being whose every quirk, habit, and preference aligns perfectly with yours. 

We each have differing values and ways of looking at the world, and we want different things from each other. Such differences derive from our genetically influenced temperaments, our belief systems, and experiences growing up in our family of origin.

Sometimes, little irritations may code for deeper problems. It's as if ice cubes become an iceberg. Think of ice cubes as free-floating irritants —bothersome but meaningless. But small problems coalesce into a vast, submerged force when they take on a different meaning in your mind—when you add them up as evidence of a character flaw or moral defect. 

you begin looking for evidence that your partner is self-absorbed—and of course you find it. 

Every annoyance in a relationship is really a two-way street. Partners focus on what they're getting, not on what they're giving. But no matter how frustrating a partner's behavior, your interpretation is the greater part of it. What matters is the meaning you attach to it."

excerpts from Psychology Today, April 2009

ps: people, no comments on this entry please. i just wanna leave it as it is. thanks.